Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
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