ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
