I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
