don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
