After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
