All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Randomize
