Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
