Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
