So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
