oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
