Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
