I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
