Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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