The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
