is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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