Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
