It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
