i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
