He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
