happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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