Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
