like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she looked like the before picture.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
