I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
