we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
