I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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