made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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