I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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