I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
