i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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