I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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