K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
