Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Come on in and take your pants off
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