i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
