I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Randomize
