maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
