no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
