i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
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