Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
