wat bout pragnant strippers??
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
