I'm going to jail i love you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
