Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
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