Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
