I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
