I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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