the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
