Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
