just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
