if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
