I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
