she was so not down for the gang bang
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
