I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
