literally had 100 drinks last night.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
