We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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