if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
