Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
