Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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