Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
