you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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