over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
