I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Those nachos came to me in a dream
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
