My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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