Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Houston, we have a blender
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
