The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its about making memories worth repressing
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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