Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
