Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
