Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
