Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
