We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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