Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
