Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
