can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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