As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
