I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
