She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
