That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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