They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
