I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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