I want to have your abortion
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize