I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
