A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
