the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
