his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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