that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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