You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
