He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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