i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
