You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Randomize
