I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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