I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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