I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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