I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
