The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
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