Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
