Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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