you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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