Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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