Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
