I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
