All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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