Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
