fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Randomize
