i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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