did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
