My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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