i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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