Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
