its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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