it hurts more in the daytime
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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