actually, I'm a sock model
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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